You have no fucking clue how proud I was of that apple,
We moved in last year and that whole front yard was gravel.
It took us lots of time but we got to working,
Digging and planting veg, while you nearby were lurking.
We spotted it in Lidl, this pathetic looking tree,
We knew of course that for a year, it would be fruit free.
But it surprised us in the end, that little miracle flower,
It pollinated with next door’s orchard, the clever little bugger!
We watched it from the window, our single little fruit,
Growing on a twig, it was becoming quite the brute.
We joked about who’d eat it, her or I would savour,
We’d chuck it in a pie, a desert we both would favour.
But you had other plans, for food you went to hunt,
Perhaps you thought it funny, you stupid little cunt.
And we know you didn’t need money, we know you are not broke,
Here’s news for you, apples aren’t ready to Autumn, I truly hope you choke!